Christmas Carols Gone Wrong
Blame National Rail for this one. And maybe Twitter. Or remember good will to all men and blame no-one!
So was having a twitter conversation with my very cool mother-in-law-to-be (getting those brownie points in early) along the hashtag #wrongchristmassongs, before getting stuck on a train thanks to faulty equipment. Fun. So I thought, why not expand some of them into full songs? So here are some full Christmas carols, some just formatted a little nicer. Some are centered on current affairs, but most will still be relevant for years to come.
Many thanks to the aforementioned mother-in-law-to-be @ironmouse!
Joy to the world
Joy to the world, the hoard is come
Let Argos be our King!
Let ev'ry overdraft prepare for BOOM
and ev'ry banker sing
and ev'ry, yes ev'ry rotten banker sing
Joy to the world, through snow or rains
Let men their dosh employ!
Through feuds and fear and famine, those sweatshops must keep hamm'rin
each clothing, jewel and toy
each tee-shirt, each jumper, every jewel and toy
We rule the world, and set its pace
The rich we won't remove
There's boringness enough, without this "righteousness"
and charity and love
and charity, charity and stinkin' love!
Hark the herald sheltered
Hark the sheltered bankers sing
Glory to the shop till's ring
Peace on earth? Nah! FTSE mild!
Ne'er our bankrupcy be filed!
Joyful, all ye nations rise
Watch my bonus hit the skies
As we fill our bailout claim
And reposess what you can't pay
Hark! The dodgy bankers sing
Hear my new golden jag's horn ring
In the bleak midwinter
In the bleak mid-winter
Frosty pipes may blow
Landlord's heart's as iron
Ignore your chilly moan
Ceiling fall-ins grow and grow
Grow and grow
In the bleak mid-winter
Not so long ago.
O little town of Bethlehem [INSERT CITY HERE]
O little town of Nororwich,
How packed we see thee lie;
As countless peeps assault the streets
The cardboard stars show "BUY";
Yet in thy dark streets shineth
The everlasting light. No... wait... the council has ran out of money
for the electric bill.
Long time ago
Long Time Ago in a galaxy far far away... no, wait, that was sommit' else...
So the Holy Wotsit sez
Waserface's boy child... (Christ! Whats his name?)
La la la Xmasday